Sunday, 29 April 2012

@JihadWatchRS needs a cuddle

Robert Spencer, author of the Jihad Watch website, seems to be a rather angry man.

He really does have a lot of blazing rows. Frankly, he comes across as someone who could start a flaming argument with himself in an empty room.

Just lately he's been having plenty to argue about, due to the fact that Anders Breivik cited Jihad Watch 50 times in his manifesto.

There's only one solution to this. Robert Spencer clearly needs a cuddle. If were cuddled more often, he'd be less angry. Who knows, he might even write about the virtues of a cuddle. And then maybe Breivik might have also got to read about cuddles, and might have cuddled all those kids instead of shot them.

Saturday, 28 April 2012

The Right Ear Dictionary 4: The Left

The Left (collective noun)
1. A  broad umbrella term encompassing wide spectrum of views from centre-left to far-left. Includes liberals, social democrats, progressives, democratic socialists, revolutionary socialists, Trotskyists, communists and anarchists. Tend to generally emphasise social justice and equality, but within that contains widely-differing stances on a large variety of issues.
2. Borg-like hive mind, taking telepathic instructions from The Left HQ. Always think and do exactly the same thing, without question or variation. Focused with a steely resolve on destruction of all things good and decent, for no other reason than the inherent evil of The Left.

I would respond in detail, to the above tweets, but unfortunately I've just had a memo from The Left HQ. The party line to follow is that I''m a coward and a knuckledragger. I'm too frightened to deal with reality, I hate anyone who has different thoughts to me, I hate diversity and I'm behind the rest of society. Therefore I must focus on denying Jihad, losing my bottle and giving up the streets.

The Left HQ is so demanding. I have to get all that done, and I was hoping to do some shopping today.

@WeAreTheBrits vs @NemesisRepublic...again

@WeAreTheBrits continues to draw attention to @NemesisRepublic's (entirely imaginary, not to mention defamatory) "arrest" by the police.

Why does @WeAreTheBrits seem to keen to impugn the reputation of a Northumbland pensioner?

Possibly it may be because of her tendency to draw attention to the contents of his Twitter archive. Contents such as this:

Friday, 27 April 2012

The Right Ear Dictionary 3: Sudden Gay Rights Syndrome

Sudden Gay Rights Syndrome (noun)
An acute episode of temporary dissociation, causing homophobic knuckledraggers to suddenly become staunch defenders of gay rights when it's Muslims who are doing the oppressing.
(See also: Sudden Anti-Anti-Semitism Syndrome)

You wouldn't think that the English Defence League have an LGBT Division, particularly given that they have a tendency to make comments like this:

But apparently they do. Whether we'll actually see Tommy Robinson down at Mardi Gras, waving a rainbow flag, while a floatload of casuals sing about celebrating diversity, may be another matter. For some reason gay rights activists tend to feel somewhat unconvinced.

For another example of Sudden Gay Rights Syndrome, here's @WelshToy.

And here she is again, where both she and @WeAreTheBrits appear to be drifting in and out of a SGRS episode.

@NadineDorriesMP gives medical advice

Because if you want medical advice, you'd want it to come from a highly ideological MP from the right of the Conservative Party, wouldn't you?


Tuesday, 24 April 2012

Invasion of privacy? Maybe not. @NemesisRepublic @ewok_league

Yesterday evening, while snooping around the Twitter feeds of various far-right usual suspects, I came across a storm of outrage about a disgraceful invasion of privacy.

Incidentally, @NemesisRepublic strongly denied ever having been visited by the police, let alone having been warned by them. Despite what @WeAreTheBrits repeatedly claims.

So, what did @NemesisRepublic do to so maliciously out @stopsharia? Here's the picture she posted.

You know what, I'm no lawyer, but I think you might find it a bit hard to make an invasion of privacy lawsuit stick when you were caught sending abusive tweets to people.

Just saying.

Monday, 23 April 2012

@jorjun demonstrates that basic chemistry is a left-wing conspiracy

Sometimes I want to thoroughly critique arguments. At other times I suspect actual critique is unnecessary, and that simply burying my face in my palms and despairing at sheer idiocy will suffice.

Yeah, yeah, leftists hate dogs because they contain carbon. Leftists also hate diamonds, charcoal, all organic life, and salt.

I was going to respond to this by drinking myself into a stupor. Sadly I then remembered that the molecular formula for ethanol (b00ze to non-chemists) is C2H6O. Oh, yummy booze, do you too join with the evil carbon atoms? Organic treason!

Sunday, 22 April 2012

The Right Ear Dictionary 2: Knights Templar

Knights Templar (noun)
1. A medieval military order that was active in the Crusades, and suppressed by Pope Clement V in 1312.
2. Various freemasonry orders, with only fairly tenuous historical connections to the original Templars. In themselves fairly innocuous.
3. A loose gaggle of bedroom masturbators and keyboard warriors, imagining themselves the brave defenders of Western civilisation against the Islamist hordes, despite giving the impression of being unemployable fucknuts with no understanding of social skills or personal hygiene. Mostly deserving only of ridicule, until tragically one of them in Norway got his hands on some actual weaponry.

 After the suppression of the original Templars, an offshoot survived in the form of the Knights Who Say Ni. The classic documentary by Mr Montgomery Python documents their change of direction into the Knights Who Say Ekki-Ekki-Ekki-Pitang-Zoom-Boing. However, he never chronicled their subsequent change into the Knights Who Say Leftard and Cultural Marxism and Creeping Sharia.

The order had recently fallen upon hard times. Recruitment numbers were down, and all their weaponry had been stolen by the local battle re-enactment society. In a desperate bid for new men, the knights approached the recruiting sergeant at a nearby Armed Forces Careers Information Office, and asked him if he knew of any dynamic, brave souls with the drive to serve their country.

The sergeant's first thought was to reply, "Yes, and I signed them up. They're out in Afghanistan right now." Then it occurred to him that he needed to get rid of the irritating walts who kept hanging around his office, occasionally chewing the information pamplets. He gave all their names and phone numbers to the knights, thus providing them with a spiritual home, and saving the MOD the trouble of taking out an injunction to make them bugger off.

These modern-day Templars undergo a rigorous training, which enables them to create elaborate but fictional past military careers with which to impress gullible girls who hang around the Casuals United website.  They are also occasionally tasked with hanging around at EDL events, standing next to Tommy Robinson in order to make him look like some sort of intellectual by comparison.

The Templars also have an in-depth understanding of modern weaponry, or at least how to do Google Image searches for weaponry.

Unfortunately, as with every bunch of idiots, there's usually someone who'll take things a step too far. Most of them were content with occasionally posting 140-character tweets of utterly cretinous bullshit. Anders Breivik, on the other hand, went on to spaff out a whopping 1,500 pages of utterly cretinous bullshit. He then displayed the bravery and nobility of a Templar by shooting dead 69 terrified, unarmed kids, then cacked himself and surrendered on the spot the moment any actual armed police turned up.

Saturday, 21 April 2012

The Right Ear Dictionary 1: Cultural Marxism

This is what may become part of an occasional series, helping to define some of the concepts discussed on the far-right Twittersphere. We begin by looking at cultural marxism, which has been in the news recently as Anders Breivik talked about it a lot in his shitty "manifesto".

Cultural Marxism (noun)
1. Loose grouping of German and British intellectuals from the field of critical theory and cultural studies. Influential in their field, but not particularly well-known outside of academia.
2. Borg-like assimilators of the collective psyche, plugging their leftist electrodes into every corner of political and social debate, until we all live in a virtual reality, something like what would exist if the Matrix was controlled by the Socialist Workers Party.

To give some examples of all-encompassing theory being described.

While searching for examples, I came across yet another member of the Chivalrous Order of Bedroom-Dwelling Fucknuts, going rather off-message on the whole, "That Anders Breivik? Nothing to do with us" line that the EDL, Jihadwatch et al seem to be trying to stick to.

All this is paranoid tosh, of course. One only has to go online to see that Twitter is being controlled by a completely different hegemony of cultural thinkers, hijacking social media to dominate the online discourse.

I speak of course, of the Beliebers.

Friday, 20 April 2012

Knights Who Say Nitwit #EDL #creepingjousting

Seriously, what is it with the far-right and pretending to be Knights Templar? First there was this guy, now here's another. 

Seriously, I haven't seen so much pretend chivalry since the Sealed Knot came to my village fete.

Also, what's with this picture of weaponry? You can't joust with that lot!

I fear this may be the start of a new threat. Never mind #creepingsharia. We need to face up to the new enemy of #creepingjousting.

Thursday, 19 April 2012

@JihadwatchRS and the importance of a good falafel

Never let it be said I don't give people right of reply. After I pointed out Robert Spencer's exercise in blame-displacement over the Utoya massacre, I had the following exchange on Twitter.

So, do I feel like apologising for any "Goebbels-lie"? Not really. Given that Breivik seemed keen to reference Spencer that many times in his stupid manifesto, then Spencer should at least consider that he may have been shouting "fire" in a crowded theatre.

Maybe it's time to consider writing about something else?

Write about falafels. Falafels are good.

#WeAreTheBrits and his personal police force #EDL

EDL wingnut and pretend-Para walt @WeAreTheBrits appears to be giving orders to the police.

There appear to be two differing accounts between @WeAreTheBrits and @NemesisRepublic, which means that one of two things must be true.

1. That @WeAreTheBrits is taking a brave stand against harassment, and is actually able to give police instructions on whether or not to arrest anyone.


2. @NemesisRepublic hasn't harassed anyone, hasn't been arrested, and all this is as imaginary as @WeAreTheBrits' military career.

You decide.

#Breivik - nothing to do with @jihadwatchRS according to the @jihadwatchRS

Robert Spencer of Jihad Watch and Stop Islamisation of America was in combative form yesterday. He seems to know who's responsible for Breivik's appalling mass murder.

Ahhh, so that's the source of it all. Why so keen to blame these people? Could it be something to do with Breivik's manifesto citing Spencer over 50 times (according to that bastion of Marxism and Islamism, the Daily Mail)?

I must confess I haven't sent Spencer an apology yet. It's somewhere on my to-do list in between "when Hell freezes over" and "when a member of the Kardashian family develops some dignity".

Tuesday, 17 April 2012

Far-Right PR Masterclass

In the wake of yesterday, when the entire British far-right went to extraordinary lengths to make themselves look like utter twonks, one might argue that they need a bit of a PR makeover.

So, here's a few hints to the right-wing Twitterati on how to be taken seriously again.

First of all, be realistic about your own achievements. Don't claim credit for the work of other people.

 After all, some people might view that as hubris.

 Try to  be helpful to others, giving handy tips on self-improvement.

Indeed, and also make sure you know how to spell "leftards". Or "leotards". Or whatever it is that he's trying to say.

And finally, if the media are trying to portray your organisation as a bunch of violent thugs and criminals, maybe it's not a good idea to give your friends the nickname "Stabby".

Monday, 16 April 2012

#EDL devote entire day to making themselves look like numpties

Are you all enjoying the fun and games over the #creepingsharia hashtag? Good.

Yep, it's been a day in which somehow....somehow...The English Defence League managed to look even more ridiculous than you already imagined them to be.

But let's give the EDL at least a nanogram of credit. One thing that they have a strong moral compass on is Islamist terror. And let's share a bit of common ground and agree that some things are just plain wrong. Under no circumstances should we offer even the slightest excuse for the meaningless slaughter of innocents in the name of some abstract political and religious ideology. That shit is just abhorrent. End of.



Also trying to add a little "context" to Anders Breivik's atrocity (y'know, like one of those bleeding heart lefty social workers who just need to stop making excuses for criminals) was @MarmiteMan4 who tweeted (and then deleted, but not before @moronwatch took a screenshot),

#Breivik is brave. You can't deny that, even if you think he was wrong. Imagine 100 Breiviks or 1000. Unstoppable...

Except of course that such "brave" armies of Breiviks would be stoppable by the quick expedient of some actual armed police turning up rather than just terrified defenceless kids. At which point the 1000 Breiviks would cack themselves in unison and promptly surrender.

Curse those liberals and their stupid "basic human decency"!

Other gems from @MarmiteMan4 include.


He's done more than Jesse Jackson or Al Sharpton? Which is impressive, since his profile says he's 17. At that rate he'll be UN Secretary-General by the time he's 20. Unless of course, his parents ground him for kicking off Twitterstorms.