Thursday, 12 April 2012

Climate Denial Extravaganza


SCENE: Decades from now, an old man lays on his deathbed, tended by his grandson.

The grandson asks, "What did you do when you were a young man, grandaddy?"

"Well, back in those days, there were these people called 'climate scientists'. They claimed that the Earth was heating up due to man-made emissions. I didn't have any scientific training myself, but I knew such claims couldn't possibly be true."

"So, grandaddy, you went out and studied the science, then started publishing research in peer-reviewed journals to refute their data?"

"Well, no. I created lots of Twitter, Facebook and blog accounts loudly insisting that climate scientists were all communists and liars."

"Erm...."

"Look, hear me out. These people weren't behaving like scientists! They were cherry-picking isolated data and claiming it supported a general trend..."
"...They were distorting arguments and theories to suit their agenda, sometimes ascribing to others positions they hadn't advanced..."


"....They were basically creating scare stories, and using buzzwords to frighten people...."

"As for those who disagreed with them, they just airily dismissed them without bothering to engage with the meat of their criticisms..."

"....Clearly they weren't true scientists at all. They were obviously just listening to their own political ideology and economic interests...."


"...So you see, grandson of mine, it was vital for me to tell the entire Internet that these 'climate scientists' were lying to us, that everything was fine and that humanity was in no danger."

The grandson thinks about this for a few seconds. Then he looks out of the window at the desolate hellscape outside. Then he grabs a pillow and uses his last emaciated strength to choke the life out of Grandaddy.



2 comments:

  1. Yeah, okay, chicken little. Thanks for wasting the minute of my life it took to read this malarkey.

    Sincerely,
    HerrDavidoff

    ReplyDelete